Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
