Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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