I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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