Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
