My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
