Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
