I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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