I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
