I wish I could punch you in the face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
