Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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