Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
