what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
