I looked at my own cervix.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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