I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
