Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
