I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
