Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
