Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
