Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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