Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
