Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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