Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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