Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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