The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
