checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Everclear isn't food dammit
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
