you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
