lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
