I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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