i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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