The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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