So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
