I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
