Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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