I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
