so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
