cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
