You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
