apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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