i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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