I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
