So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
