Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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