omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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