I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
