Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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