i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
