Your mouth is God's brothel.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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