i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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