Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
