Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
