I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
