im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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