and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
