Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
