ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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