then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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