im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
