my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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