i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
