I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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