she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
