WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
