I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
