You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
