Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
