wrigley field is MILF paradise
it was like eating out sand paper
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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