I skipped work to stalk him.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize