Plan B is the new Plan A
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
