I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
