I just cut my nipple shaving
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
