I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
