so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize