we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
