I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
