dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
