i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
