I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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