I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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