He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
