Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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