Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
