we have officially lost it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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