I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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