I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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