If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
