I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
