Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
