I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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