Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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