Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
