it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
