You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
