Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
