Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize