I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
