Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
