All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
