I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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