HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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