I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
