i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
