it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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