I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
